pizza, yum :9

just come back from a delicious lunch break with colleagues: we went to eat good pizza... a serious one, not like the one they give us at our refectory ;)we were in 13 and had a lot of fun: i even joked a lot with the french guy who usually turns me a bit off, and it's been a nice surprise to find out his funny not-working side. hope this will help to improve our work relationship... from my side i mean, since he has this way of behaving that makes me feel kinda inferior and makes me angry.in general it's been a funny meal, and i've been glad of this, because it has helped me to remind that i'm lucky to have colleagues with whom i can get along well: i sometimes forget it, becuase i get way too involved in work troubles and isolate a bit, also because i'm in this tiny room where i am on my own most of the time... (or, when not alone, with the cabinotto: really i wouldn't know which one to choose *lol*) well, just wanted to put down in words that i've been glad about it... as i sometimes tend to talk only about negative sides of my job and not positives ones :)ps. we also did a kind of "age game", where the others had to guess the age of each one of us: i've been happy that everyone said my right age, and not that i'm much younger like people usually tell me, which i don't like ;) last summer, for example, a lady told me that i didn't look older than 16... which really pissed me off :S well, of course my colleagues couldn't tell me that i was 16 as they know that i'm graduated, otherwise i couldn't work here ;) ...but, well, i've been satisfied anyway *silly me*

"Wis...

"Wishlist" by Pearl JamI wish I was a neutron bomb, for once I could go off I wish I was a sacrifice but somehow still lived on I wish I was a sentimental ornament you hung on The Christmas tree, I wish I was the star that went on top I wish I was the evidence, I wish I was the grounds For 50 million hands upraised and open toward the sky I wish I was a sailor with someone who waited for me I wish I was as fortunate, as fortunate as me I wish I was a messenger and all the news was good I wish I was the full moon shining off a Camaro's hood I wish I was an alien at home behind the sun I wish I was the souvenir you kept your house key on I wish I was the pedal brake that you depended on I wish I was the verb 'to trust' and never let you down I wish I was a radio song, the one that you turned upI wish...I wish...A little question that comes into my mind every time I listen to this song: if you could choose to be one of these "wish" things, which one you would prefer to be?? I'd like the radio song, but also that "pedal brake" thing fascinates me: I mean, I've always considered the expression "being a brake" as something negative (for example, in a relationship: "You are brake for me, because, being with you, I can't do certain things"); but actually the pedal brake in your car is something you REALLY depend on, something that can save your life... This is a different point of view which I find interesting.Anyway... can anybody tell me what's a "Camaro's hood"?!?!

Other Nera's pics

Here's another pic of my little furry angel, who now is a bit sick. I really like this one with the tulips:This is the "distant" version of the one I had already posted:Here's a couple with Pixie instead, so you can see their difference :)This is old, Pixie was smaller than Nera yet ;) Nera is the firstThis is more recent:And this is the larger version of Nera's pic on the wall: there was Pixie, as well, on the right ;)

...doubts, doubts...

[apparently one of the only good things the cabinotto is able to do in this office is turning the radio on... but today he says he needs to concentrate, so he doesn't want music *sic*]Doubts are about my job, as usual, and they've come to haunt me once again, tho' the latest few weeks I thought I had climbed one more step towards the sureness that I love what I'm doing and I'd be glad to do it till my retirement...Don't get me wrong, I DO love what I'm doing, it's not that I loathe it (but sometimes I'd prefer... because then I wouldn't have any doubts wheter to change or not...); but but... there are so many buts.It's not about my workplace: it has some cons but also many pros, and I feel lucky to be here, as it is one of the very few places which nowadays can assure you a stability. It's about the kind of job: it's so brainy that I sometimes feel like all my intellectual energies were completely sucked by it, and moreover I don't think that being a programmer is my #1 skill. No, I don't have any longer the paranoias of the very first weeks, when I was thinking not to be good enough for this, not to be able to ever reach the level of my colleagues...No, it's not like this: apart from the fact that, after 7 months, I've got aware that the level of skill of (very most of) my colleagues is not that high, so it won't be totally impossible to reach it as well; but anyway I'm aware that I'll never be a top horse in this kind of job... I have my limits in this field, many of which I've even moved forward in these months, but I sometimes have to work mentally really hard and making big efforts to fix troubles and to understand things that are not my cup of tea but that I have to cope with.It's not so terrible, I'm also having my parts of satisfaction and pure passion about what I'm doing; but what I mean is: why do I have to be content of being pretty good in this job while in another I could be better??If you asked me one year ago, or even before (just after my graduation, for example), I would have tell you that my dream job was in the marketing/communication area. And actually it still is. I'm having a nice time as a programmer, but I honestly can't say this is my DREAM job. So what? When you talk with people it's hard to find someone who's doing what he/she has always wanted to do... and maybe I should stop being naivy and get aware that life rarely fits dreams, so be content of what I have, which is already a lot, and stop complaining all the time.But the other voice inside me tells me that I would be mad not trying to improve, not trying to chase my dreams. Just trying, just being able to tell myself one day: "Ok, you haven't what you wanted, but at least you did everything possible to get it". That would be enough, I guess I would be satisfied anyway.The point is that now "trying" is not any longer as when I was studying, when I didn't have nothing to lose: now I have a job, a good job that gives me so many warranties to lose; and I can't allow myself any longer just to dream, I also have to be realistic.Here in Torino it's already difficult to find a job in the marketing area; finding one that would give me warranties of a life-long term contract as the one I have now, is impossible.Then every job has its pros and its cons, and since I am a pretty paranoid/complaining person, I would probably not be happy either. But, as Manuela told me in the phonecall of yesterday evening (which helped me to put in words this feeling that haunts me), problems are everywhere, but if you're doing what you love they're much lighter.And I'm still so young... if I don't try to chase my dreams NOW, when I'll be able to?? When I will be 50 and will be able only to regret? No, I don't, I f***ing don't. In choices sometimes being rational doesn't pay. I don't want to get old and think to myself "Well... what a plain life I've done".As I've already written I do love my current job, but maybe what I like of it are the satisfactions given by the fact of creating something by yourself, of fixing troubles using your own brain, of being occupied the whole day in something... but not the job itself. The simple idea of doing this for my whole life gives me a sort of anxiety :S I would feel like I've been stuck in something I haven't chosen, something that doesn't really belong to myself...When I signed my contract I was aware of this: that maybe it wouldn't have been my path; but anyway it would have been something that would have gained me experience and knowledge, and moreover it would have helped me to know myself better, to know my skills and to know what I want from life. And this is exactly what I have now.Finding the job I'd like will probably mean attending an MBA master, which expensive and not easy to enter; but I'm gonna try this way as well. Maybe my new jobhunting will never lead to anything, as it's not easy, but I want try everything possible: if it goes wrong I still have this job.Aww... I feel better now. Less doubtful. Till tomorrow, at least ;)

Good things of the weekend

Monday is always a bit freaky when you have to jump off your lovely, comfy bed, but then it's just a matter of going on, and as soon as you put yourself again inside your daily office routine, it's ok.(well... I'm saying that because I'm so proud of myself, having managed to solve a problem that was anguishing me since last week *lol*)Weekend has been lovely.On Saturday I took the train to Genova... Torino's station was jammed with young people, as in the evening there was this big music event (Festivalbar) taking place in my city, so from one side I would have liked to go and see it as well, as it doesn't happen so often there's something so cool here; but from the other side I was glad to leave the city, as I'm not that keen on crowds and confusion... I'm like an old ma', sometimes ;)Anyway, I went to Genova to meet my friend and swapper Monica from La Spezia, and in the morning with us there was also Elisabetta from Genova: she's not a swapper of mine, but, as we were saying, one cool thing about slammies is that you get to know people even if you don't swap directly with them; so I've been so glad to meet her as well, since I've found out from her answers that we have a lot of things in common :)They are both lovely and kind girls, and I've spent a great day in their company :) We chatted a lot and went sightseeing in Genova, which is really a beautiful city, and I must admit this surprised me. In facts, I had already been there like 2 years ago, but at that time I didn't like it: actually that time we went to visit the Aquarium, so we just hung around the harbour's area, and since no one of us was an expert of the city, we had missed the best part of it. ...Which I've been able to visit this time, as I had Elisabetta with me, who lives there.I took some photos, as I always feel compelled to do whenever I see a beautiful place: I still have to download them from my camera, but I'll post them in the next few days, together with the one I took with Eli and Mo.Oh, and we had a delicious chees focaccia for lunch :9 It's Genova's speciality and I couldn't really miss it, since I love it. Then Elisabetta has been so kind to give their typical cake, with sultans and candy fruits, which now is already the half it was at the beginning :DOn Sunday I didn't do anything special, just relaxing: I've begun to read a new book, which I bought at the Book Fairy in May, "The Mabinogion" by E. Walton. In these days I'm coming back to my old love of Celtic sagas, in order to enter inside the atmosphere of my imminent travel in Ireland (awww...). I'm just on the very first pages but yet I adore it, it's the kind of epic, celtic stories I've always been in love with!Sadly I have to say that I've dropped the book I was previously reading without finishing it, which is something I rarely do. And, as silly as I am, I kinda feel guilty for it ;) It was "Luzhin's defence", first novel written by Vladimir Nabokov: it's the story of this mad, loner chess's genius... I've always been charmed by geniuses' bios, even if this one is fictional. It's really introspective, which normally I adore, but this time I couldn't bear it: I really needed something less brainy in these warm days, as I couldn't properly concentrate on it, and consequently I couldn't enjoy it as it deserved. So... I'll take it again later, maybe.Actually the weekend has not been just all peaches and cream because my beloved Nera felt sick. She still is, so I'm really worried. She has a terrible stomachache: when you touch her belly she cries... we don't know what could be. This evening mum will take her to the vet, so I'll hope she'll be able to recover :_(

La Nera is jealous :D ...

...as I've posted pics of Pixie first ;)I must admit Nera is my fave cat, as she's so lovely and cuddly... and absolutely nut, as well! Actually my mom always says we are very similar in charachter *lol*I could define her "a talking cat", same as Manu's Dolce, because she seems to make real "speechs" sometimes, and when you tell her something, she answers back all the times (she's a very polite cat, actually ^__^ ). She uses a lot of modulations of her meow, so sometimes she seems glad, sometimes annoyed, sometimes tired... and so on ;)She's also a very friendly cat and has no problem to socialize with any other kind of living creatures, being them humans, dogs, cats or whatever. She goes daily to greet our neighbour's donkey and gooses, and also the other neighbour's dog, even if she barks at her all the time. She's also adopted Pixie and is a kind of stepmother to her... but when they play is hard to distinguish which one is the kitten and which one the 5-years-old adult cat ;)At the moment I only have one picture of hers on this pc, but I'll soon provide to put others.Here she's in my garden:She looks very thoughtful here ;)

My cat Pixie

Ok... today is not a lucky work day... as our server is off once again, so I can't do anything *mpph*So, well, since Manu and Serena have been so nice to teach me how to put pics in the journal, I'll start with some of my cats :)I have 8 cats and I love them all; but this time I wanted to share with you some things about Pixie, who is the youngest one and also the most daredevil ;)We found her last August (almost all of my cats are foundlings, as we live near the woods and people has this awful habit to throw them away :S) and everybody in the house immediately fell in love with her:...And, as you can see, how could have been possibile otherwise?? She was a cute and cuddly little angel at that time, who loved to sleep over my shoulder and cried like a baby whenever she was left alone for a while.But... already at that time she had begun to show her real nature ;)... as you can see below with her stuffed mouse-toy:Now she's much much growed, not any longer that cuddly as she used to be... or, maybe, she just has a new way to show her affection ;)...showing you that she really adores the way you taste :DBut I guess she's the wittiest cat I've ever had, and with her in the house, fun is always assured.For instance, she has many hobbies and interests, like watching movies, for example:She's always very helpful in domestic chores, as well. Here's she was helping out in adobing our Christmas tree... thing that I had immediately transformed in a Christmas card (not for those who think that a black cat is a sign of sfortune *sic*):But the thing she loves the most, believe it or not, is WATER. Yeah, you've read well: she's a cat and she loves water. She's absolutely charmed by the sound of water flowing and could stay hours contemplating drops falling. We often find her in such a situation:Isn't she a crazy cat?!?!

in english as well :)

I've just decided to write this LJ in english...Not only to let my foreign friends to read it, but also because I sometimes prefer using English to espress certain stuff. Not that I'm fluent in it as it were my mothertongue; but I feel more at ease with it for communicating certain ideas, moods or facts. (see for example that silly "poem" you can read on my profile: I did NEED to write it in English, if I wrote it in Italian it wouldn't have meant the same thing to me)On the other side I have some other concepts and experience which I'd feel more comfortable to share in Italian... I mean, for example words expressing certain stuff which are embedded in Italian culture, or even in my local Turin's culture... (e.g. how can I define in English this colleague of mine, whom we all secretely refer as "cabinotto", meaning that he's a know-it-all, always SO much sure of himself, always prissy and cool with his tie&jacket outfits?? Who, by the way, also stoles my pens and doesn't tell me when he receives a work phonecall for me??? *grr*)So... (I always get lost into my own words :S) I can't promise I'll write the whole journal in English, but I'd like to try for the bigger part of it.Now I guess I'd have to begin work *g*... Today I've really no wish about it... Maybe is it 'coz I'd have to cope with the "nice" French and that other scruffy guy who always make me feel as if my brain was non-existent??? You know... I guess such sexists are in every office on the earth... but it' always annoying have to face them :((oh-uh... but maybe they're on holidays today?? Yesterday it was National Day here in Italy... so maybe they're on holidays, a-ha! Well... it won't change... because then I'll have to face them on Monday *sic*)

lunedì...

Stato semi-comatoso da lunedì... Ho sempre odiato il bip-bip della sveglia, ma adesso che ne ho una che suona la K300-qualcosa di Mozart non è che cambi la solfa...Non mi pesa il fatto in sè di andare a lavorare, ci vado volentieri, mi pesa solo il fatto di dovermi alzare dal letto ;) Diciamo che se avessi un lavoro che comincia alle 10 del mattino sarebbe fantastico.Se penso che una settimana fa a quest'ora ero a Firenze... che nostalgia :)E' stato un weekend bellissimo: pensavo di tornare a casa distrutta e meditavo di prendermi un paio d'ore di permesso martedì per entrare in ufficio più tardi e aver tempo di recuperare il sonno perduto, ma non ce n'è stato bisogno, sono tornata letteralmente ritemprata, con un'ottima scorta di energie e di positività che da un po' di tempo erano carenti.Era qualche settimana che mi sentivo vagamente spenta, non so bene neanch'io perché, forse era dovuto a tutta questa dose di letargia primaverile che avevo addosso che mi faceva sentire come una specie di zombie, che mi faceva vedere le cose come attraverso un velo, che non mi faceva più gustare bene la vita come al solito. Avevo perso un po' il gusto di coccolarmi, di apprezzare le piccole cose, di amare tutto quello che faccio...Triste a dirsi, e forse ancor più triste è il fatto che mi son resa veramente conto di ciò quando questo periodo un pochino grigetto è passato.Ma comunque... il viaggio a Firenze mi ha fatto bene al corpo e all'anima. Io sono normalmente una persona vagamente paranoica, che si lamenta pressoché di tutto, e quindi è significativo notare come in questa breve vacanza non mi abbiano infastidita nè la pioggia, nè la calca, nè il colombo idiota che tubava imperrito per tutta la notte sul davanzale della nostra finestra, nè la doccia ghiacciata della prima serata (perché sono io che son impedita e non avevo capito che il miscelatore funzionava all'incontrario, e quindi per ottenere l'acqua calda bisognava girare a sinistra anziché a destra *g*).No, non c'è nulla che abbia infastidita, perché la bellezza della città e, ancor più, la bellezza della nostra complicità, della solidità della nostra amicizia, del poter parlare di tutto senza problemi, del mettersi a ridere come pazze per cazzate assurde, superava tutto il resto e, se è vero che la felicità si riconosce solo a posteriori, credo di poter dire che in quei 3 giorni a Firenze sono stata sinceramente felice.O quantomeno mi sono sentita molto più viva di come da tempo non mi era successo.